A New Beginning...again

Welcome to My Sterling Summer

Almost 55 years in and I "still haven't found what I'm looking for."  I thought I found it, but boy oh boy, that was not it. What a shit show that morphed into. I tend to be undecided. I swear sometimes. My thoughts wander. I'll write something and then go back and change something. Like this font. I like it. But next week maybe I won't and I'll want to make it look different. Some may say that I have adhd. Probably do. But what does that have to do with anything that I may write here in this new blog? Not a thing. I ramble too.

I guess I have always felt like an outsider of sorts. Never belonged to any clique. Not that I didn't want to at times, but I knew I couldn't be me. Never really found my way. When it comes to religion, well, I don't want to be religious. I want spiritual connection. I'm not sure exactly how to put that into words.

Throughout my life I've had a sense of good and a bad, right and wrong, if you will. I have been interested in astrology, crystals, the stars, the sun and moon. I believe that my ancestors understood nature and how to use it, hear it, and they loved it. Then religion dug it's ugly claws in. I suppose it wasn't all bad. I did learn some good lessons and made some great friends. Well, at least one. And just recently discovered that there is a small genealogical chance that we may be related by way of Ireland. How cool would that be? But I digress. Somewhere along the line I built a wall to keep those things out. It's time to "tear down this wall."  btw...I'm a silly genx-er who loves music and will insert lyrics and/or quotes in at random times. LOL

Moon Water, Imbolc, and St. Brigid

The last couple of weeks have been a learning experience. We had a new moon and I made moon water. In all honesty, I question my abilities and the actual power of my moon water. While making it, I was nervous. My worst habit would not leave me alone. I worried about what others would think. Why? Who would even know that I was making moon water? Is God going to see that I'm doing "witchy" things and punish me? My head can really get me sometimes. 

Following in the days after the new moon was Imbolc - a time of celebration that I had never heard of. I knew the solstices and the equinox but the wheel of the year is a wholly new experience for me. And St. Brigid? I had heard the name but had no idea who the goddess Brigid was and that she had been canonized by the church and became St. Brigid. With this new lesson was much to take in. Altars, pause-reflect-live with intention, scry, journaling, etc. It was rather overwhelming, if I'm being honest.

But with some kind words, videos watched, blogs read, I am reassured that there is no "perfect way" to do this - to be spiritual - I have to do what I feel is right for me. And use items I already have. For instance, I have a few candles that were gifts from my daughters. I used them when journaling. At some point I can purchase some white candles and candlesticks, but for now, this is good. 

My moon water, by the way, did not cause my husband to look at me like I am crazy. That was a relief. I even explained that I had used some on the seeds we had planted a few weeks ago. They're doing amazing! May Brigid bless what will become our garden this year.

Back in the days I attended an Evangelical Christian church, I served in the kitchen. 

I have to pause here for a moment. I'm chuckling to myself right now. The reason I even started working in the kitchen at our church is the entire reason I am where I am. My kindred sister, who very well may be a distant relative. Far too much to explain right here. But damn it if it doesn't all just come together. 

As I was saying, I served in the kitchen. First just helping to clean up then eventually cooking with the woman who would become a sister, learning about so much as our friendship grew, and then when the world got turned upside down for a time and she had to move, my husband and I took over the duties of feeding 75 - 80 people a week. Sometimes more. And I loved it! It was a lot of work and preparation, but it was so fulfilling.

This friend...this sister...she has introduced me to not only the goddess Brigid, but to the wheel of the year, phases of the moon, and just helping me to deconstruct that wall that I have built up over the last 25 years or so.

So here I am. On my continued journey. (Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate this thing we call life) Sorry. Couldn't help it. Where will it take me next? Who knows. But I am looking forward to enjoying the seasons in ways I never imagined...enjoying the process of getting our garden together again this year. And I pray that this new season in my life will bring joy and many new beginnings.

Blessed be.

k